I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
