saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
