the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
