He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
