I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
