Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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