gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
