so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
