Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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