3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
