That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
