Bisexual people are plain selfish.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
