Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
