babies were throwing up all over the place
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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