Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
