I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
