he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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