Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
