That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
