It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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