I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
