Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
