oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
