margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
