Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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