Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
