At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
