dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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