Christians are straight up FREAKS
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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