Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
