You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
