just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
