One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
