one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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