Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
