dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
please come you make the beer taste better
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
