No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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