They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
