You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
