On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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