She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
