I'm going to rape someone's good day.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
