If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
