Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
