WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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