Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
