well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
