Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
