Walk of Shame. In a state park.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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