Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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