I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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