When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
