I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
