hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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